When I was flipping through the book ‘On Tyranny’ in a bookstore, reading how every act in daily life is a line of defence against political tyranny, I was reminded of my deficiencies and partial ‘giving up’ in those arenas, and a very old, nauseous feeling caught me in my throat and my head:
Not devoting everything in your conscious effort into bringing about change in your power to what you already know is evil IS A CRIME, A SIN, AN UNPARDONABLE SIN……..!! You ABHOR!!
That’s the imaginary tyrannt (you know who you are) screaming in the gear and wheels of my head.
I am glad I am getting to know the internal tyrant and slave in me a lot better. I want to be an autonomous person, first and foremost, before I can truly consciously understand my predicament, the others’, and act upon them.
Glad that phase is at an end.
Trying to read what I am truly attracted to, and knowing the world through narratives/ senses that actually touch me and leave a lasting mark. Sometimes impatient and wanting too much at a time. But I’m getting there – true me, not the whipped and carrot-chasing me.